i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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