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i don't like sucking hair
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
