I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
