You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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