This beer is not sobering me up at all
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
