a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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