News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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