Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize