me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
