He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
