and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
