Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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