So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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