I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
