So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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