Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
