WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
