My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
