Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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