Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
