oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
