is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
