My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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