6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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