i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
