Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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