please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
