discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
