Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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