If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
