Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
