i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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