it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
