she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
