just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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