Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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