so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
