I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
