When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
