"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
