I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the room spins SO much faster in panama
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
