Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
