my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There r osticjed everywhere
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize