I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
