Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
