I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
