i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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