you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
