my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
