Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
