I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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