So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
