I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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