I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
