Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
