NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
