It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
