so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
