I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
bring money and cleavage
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
