she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
