My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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