So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
