Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
