1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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