shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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