I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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