it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
