I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
