how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
