Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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